Dear Girlfriends,

It's awesome to be alive.

Life sucks.

So which of these two statements best represents where this Truth Nugget finds you today?

For me personally, life couldn't be better. For the first time in over three years my family is whole; our son has returned and is thriving as he recovers from years of drug addiction. Steve and I love this season of our life and our marriage; and the topping on my glory cake - our daughter and son-in-law, Shauna and Adam, are expecting their first child in January! It's awesome to be alive.

But maybe not for you.

Over the past six months, I have walked side-by-side with several of my dearest friends as they've journeyed through what some would refer to as hell on earth. I have seen tragedy, grief, confusion, and shame unlike I've ever witnessed before. Some of you, like them, are walking through the fire.

I wrote this series, The Piano Lesson, over two years ago. Key strokes flying, I couldn't write the words fast enough. But each time I opened the file to prepare it to "send", I would freeze. I would quickly close the file, panicked that I would offend you. But as I encourage the little girls in my life to be bold and courageous, so must I be as I write to you on the most important but controversial topic I know. Not money management; not child-rearing; not goal setting. But matters of the soul.

For those of you who are atheist or agnostic, I ask that you just hang with me for the next several weeks as you read along. I'm not looking for you to agree with me, but just as with any other series, I ask you to graciously allow me to share with you my deepest, most intimate thoughts. I'm not trying to convert you (although you probably know I'd love to). I so appreciate your willingness to let me be my authentic self. Please post your comments freely to share your views with me and our other girlfriends. I care deeply about what you think, and why.

For those of you who walk in a faith other than the Christian faith I subscribe to, I ask you to read along and consider how my observations might mirror your own and strengthen your resolve in matters of your spiritual maturation. I'm not looking to convert you, either (but I'll be honest, you know I would if I could). I also look forward to learning from you as you share with me and others how this series applies to your own faith.

My purpose on this earth is not to save souls - I'm clear on my calling. My purpose is to love you as you are but to encourage you to become more; and with this series, to consider what spiritual growth could mean for you - not just when you die, but during both your brightest and darkest days while roaming this earth.

The audience for this specific series is you girlfriends who are curious about a walk with God and those of you who take your stroll with Him for granted. I warn my Christian girlfriends - this one may be "touchy" for you, too. I particularly take us to task. And of course I know you'll tell me what you think - Christians rarely hold back! Thank you in advance for participating - we all look forward to gaining insight from your experience, too.

There are some fun parallels between connecting with one's faith and learning to play the piano.  So if you're willing, I'll take you through a series of piano lessons with the objective of teaching you to play Heart and Soul. Our first lesson will begin on Tuesday. Bring your music.

As bold and courageous as I've ever been,

Posted on August 15, 2007 4:33 PM  |  Category: The Piano Lesson

Dear Girlfriends,

My first piano lesson - I was so excited. Five years old, heart thumping, I carried my new music books in a little red satchel (I've always been "all about the bag") to Mrs. Lucile Booth's house. Well, to the other children she was known as Mrs. Booth, but to me she was my great-aunt, who we called Aunt 'Cil.

Aunt 'Cil was not a push-over for any of us - especially me. She had my number from day one and promptly burst my bubble by explaining to me that no, I would not be prepared to perform on stage anytime in the near future - I had work to do. Work? I thought this was called playing the piano, not working it! Besides, what's the point if I can't sit on the stage, under the bright lights, with everyone applauding my magnificent performance? No, she explained, "we have to prepare". And prepare I did. Yes, there would be annual spring recitals in my future but I wouldn't perform on a real stage (for me that meant a college auditorium) for 20 more years.

But that 20 years of piano lessons, theory classes, and the endless ticking of the metronome gave me the foundation I needed for when I would finally hit the stage. I was a nervous wreck knowing that my final grade depended on a flawless performance. The heat was on.

I suspect for about half of you reading this today - the heat is on for you, too. Life is hard; tragedy is staring you in the face or at best, disappointments are mounting. If you're a sub-set of the other half of our readers, maybe you've not yet had your face-to-face with despair. Well. . . you won't be left out. I don't mean to worry you but I'm also not going to sugar-coat the reality: None of us escape the pain and suffering that accompanies the gift of life. We will all, women of all faiths and no faith, single or married, rich or poor, live through the season when the suffering seems to have no end. The question is - how well have you prepared?

"Life has a way of crashing down on us without warning. Whether we like it or
not, sooner or later, all of us end up in the war zone, where life ceases to be tidy and the pain threshold goes off the charts. Women are not spared this kind of active combat, which makes it all the more urgent for us to think through our theology so our views of God will sustain us when the battle begins to rage." 

        - Carolyn Curtis James,
        When Life and Beliefs Collide; How Knowing God Makes a Difference  

A business fails and bankruptcy looms.

A nursery stands empty.

A son is arrested.

A husband is missing from his side of the bed.

Life is hard. The heat is on.

Do you feel like you're sitting on the stage, alone? You're not.

As hopeless, as empty, as tired, as frustrated, as sad, and as angry as you might feel, I want you to know you're not going through this alone. He's sitting right there on the bench beside you. The question is: Will you let God play, too? Or is this a solo performance?

Whether you're facing your biggest nightmare or living the big life, I hope you will consider how great it would be to have Him on stage with you. Only God can fortify you with confidence, hope, and peace as you play the hard notes.

We have work to do.

Posted on August 22, 2007 11:52 AM  |  Category: The Piano Lesson

Dear Girlfriends,

I was on my knees, head to the floor, furiously screaming: "Where are you? Don't you care? Why have you totally abandoned me?"

He was nowhere in sight. Day after day, my Savior had failed to show up in my crisis - and now the situation had reached an all-time climax. I was heartbroken, and I was furious. He was missing in action and I was completely disoriented.

To find my way back, I had to rely on two principles learned during my first year of piano.

After Aunt 'Cil burst my bubble by informing me that there would be no Carnegie Hall in my near future, we got down to business. The very first thing she taught me was the principle of middle C: here is where it is, and this is where you find it on every piano. If you ever get lost, looking at all the black and whites - head home to middle C.

I learned another critical lesson, later that same year. Because I was very small, I found it difficult to reach the lower and upper octaves (the next set of 7 to 14 keys on the keyboard). This required me to "scoot" up and down the piano bench. However petite I was, Aunt 'Cil informed me, it was no excuse for such poor performance behavior. Scooting on one's hiney was not allowed! No, if I wanted to be an accomplished performer, I was told I must learn to stretch.

There are some interesting parallels between finding middle C, scooting around, and losing sight of God. First, just like middle C, God is always in the same place. Regardless of what piano we're playing, regardless if our life is on the upswing or spinning out of control, He's there and willing to be our compass when we get lost. On every piano, and for every person - regardless of age or origin, history or future - middle C and God never move around; when we get disoriented, we can always head home.

Second, like music, circumstances in our lives often lead us into "hard-to-reach places" and sometimes we scoot around, trying to make life sound better or feel better than it really is. Rather than stretching and staying close to God when the music turns dissonant, we develop some bad performance habits. We act self-reliant; we become self-absorbed; we attempt to self-medicate; and we ultimately self-loathe. And we ask, again, "Where are you?"

On that Thursday evening nearly nine years ago, my grief was more than I could handle and the hurt of my absent LORD burned deep in my soul. Where did He go? How could He not hear the pleas of a mother who loved her child so dearly?

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

That same night would prove to be a turning point in my acceptance of His sovereign plan, and the first step in building an unwavering faith that sustains me today.

To find middle C - to find God again, you will need to head home. He hasn't moved. He hasn't abandoned you. He's just waiting for you to get off the bench so He can play the encore.

Seeing Him clearly in His silence,

Posted by Ellen on August 30, 2007 11:38 AM  |  Category: The Piano Lesson

Dear Girlfriends,

The year was circa 1970. And I'll never forget this particular spring recital.

It was warm and muggy (and a bit smelly) in the old high school auditorium. There were about 50 of us in Ms. Hester's class (I'd moved on from Aunt 'Cil's tutelage) and the recital seemed to last 4-EVER. I was bored out of my gourd.

About three-quarters into the event, a little boy, maybe ten years old or so, sat down at the piano and began to play with tremendous energy and passion. I was in awe. I didn't know this kid, but I certainly looked forward to congratulating him for a fine performance over cookies and punch.

But then, all of sudden he just stopped playing. Right in the middle of a measure - he stopped and put his hands in his lap. Finally, he reached up for his sheet music and turned it 180 degrees. His music was UPSIDE DOWN. Well, the audience roared with laughter - as did he. I realized that day that mistakes happen, and it is our attitude and the attitude of others that will help us move beyond our errors.

You cannot learn to play the piano if you're afraid of failure. You will hit wrong notes. Learning a new piece of music takes time, patience, practice, discipline, and determination. The same is true while playing life. We all make mistakes, but none are so bad that they can't be righted. My mistakes are usually huge, and I call them sins. So how do I right those?

Most religions of the world have a moral code; some actually agree that when you die, sin will separate you from God (heaven). End of story. Well, if that's the case, I'm in big trouble. I try hard to be saintly - but sometimes, I'm just bad to the bone.

In my Christian faith, we believe that your sins can be forgiven and you can spend eternity with God - even though you're not perfect. Now, this I can handle. A forgiveness that doesn't depend on my ability to try harder, but forgiveness that's given because of my flaws. This is what we call grace.

But there's another side of sin that isn't often discussed, and it's the side-effect of sin that robs us from joy while we live on Earth. Even though my sins are forgiven by acknowledging Christ as my Lord (or as I like to say - the boss of me), sin creates a huge chasm between God and me while I'm just walking around, doing life. And when there's an ugliness in my life that separates me from the joy, peace, love, and contentment that God intends for me - well, I'm only shortchanging myself. And I'm usually a wreck. Not much joy in that.

Some religions have guilt as a component and while that may work for some folks, it's not helpful to me. If I felt guilty about every wrong note I had hit - I would have thrown in the piano towel by the time I was six! Instead, it is comforting to me to know that my audience (my God) delights in my performance on Earth and forgives me - even when I hit the wrong notes and even when my music is upside down.

Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient.
We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures.
Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.
 But--when God our Savior revealed his kindness and love,
he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done,
but because of his mercy.
He washed away our sins,
giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.
Titus 3:3-5
New Living Bible Translation

So, how do you move forward after living a life of hitting wrong notes? Or, maybe you're playing with your music upside down, today. Most importantly, have you experienced the kind of forgiveness that enables you to carry on with your performance. . .  or is this a new concept?

Turning my music right side up,

Ellen

Posted by Ellen on September 10, 2007 2:54 PM  |  Category: The Piano Lesson

Dear Girlfriends,

Practice makes perfect? I'm not sure about that, but I did find daily practice was essential to learning to play the piano. As I matured, I sometimes approached my practice sessions with very different objectives desiring very different outcomes. But one thing was for sure; the more I practiced, the better I got at practicing!

Daily prayer is as essential to growing spiritually as daily practice is to learning to play an instrument. And just as you might have different objectives and approaches to practice, so might you have in prayer. Let me explain - but first, let's determine exactly who we're praying to.

I played the same piano almost every day of my life for 20 years. The name etched over Middle C never changed; it was perfectly clear that I was playing a Bradbury Baby Grand. But when it comes to prayer, some folks seem confused as to who they're praying to. God is God. Not the Good Fairy, Santa Claus, or a Falling Star. When you're communing, realize that you're speaking directly to the Almighty Creator. If that doesn't humble you, I don't know what will.

So what are some of the different objectives of prayer? There were times I would approach my piano with one goal and one goal, only: to relish the music and to allow the melody to wash over me. Pure joy - that was my only objective for my practice time. So, also, should you set aside a time to just worship God for who He is. That's right - no requests - pure praise. Think of it like your kids running in to say, "Mom, you're the best Mom in the world" without the second part of the sentence, "Can I have 20 dollars?" Just take time to acknowledge the Designer of heaven and earth - and your Creator - not for what He can do for you but for who He is.

There are times I would approach my practice with the goal of getting better. I would set my metronome and focus intently on each note, each beat - striving, desiring to play better. Sometimes I was successful. Sometimes I was not. Likewise, there are times when you go to God with a specific desire. And, like my practice - you might get the outcome you want or you might get the outcome He intends for you to have. In her book, I Told the Mountain to Move, Patricia Raybon shares a story about her daughter's conversion to the Muslim faith. She writes,

"My prayer for her salvation in Christ continued daily. But God's orders, in the
meantime, were to trust him always and to show her love right now. . . But I still
didn't understand what was happening. When I prayed, God still spoke to my spirit with one answer: Love her. Trust me. And have some peace. Stop
turning yourself inside out, trying to run my business."

Do you ever try to run God's business? Yeah, me too.

Many times during my practice sessions I couldn't tell if I was making any progress at all. So I would tape myself, and listen. A lot of my friends say, "I can't tell what God's trying to say to me". Speaking the truth in love, I encourage them to shut up for a while. If you'll stop whining, you might get some clarity. Glory be!

Sometimes when I practiced, I would focus on one piece of music - the hard one. The one that challenged me; the piece that made me feel inadequate; the score that threatened my self-esteem. I would sometimes literally yell out loud in total frustration. Same with prayer. It's OK to be honest when you're angry with God. There are times when prayer is a clearing of the air.

Practice make perfect? I have no proof of that. But I do have proof that prayer delivers direction, joy, peace, and contentment - especially when we're specific in our approach.

Scheduling my practice time,

Ellen

Posted by Ellen on September 18, 2007 2:53 PM  |  Category: The Piano Lesson

Dear Girlfriends,

As I close out this series on spiritual maturation, this final Truth Nugget is written specifically for my Christian audience or those of you who have been offended by Christians. Unfortunately, that most likely covers everyone.

Hip Hop. Jazz. Ragtime. Ballads. Contemporary. Classical. The Blues. Baptist Hymns.

With the exception of Hip Hop, I've played them all. Not all classifications could I fully understand, and only a few can I play well. But I grew to appreciate and respect the socio-economic conditions, the geographic locales, and the eras that served as the genesis to these diverse genres of music.

When it comes to music appreciation, one is required to enter with:

• An open mind - leave your prejudices behind; you're to listen based on not what you once liked, but what you might respect.
• An open heart - listen for a melody that speaks to you; not all sounds that are dissonant are made up of wrong notes. But to listen with your heart, you have to be quiet.
• An open soul - music is an international language that communicates regardless of history, culture, or class. Music can bridge great divides and create commonality where there was none before.

There is a profound parallel between the mind/heart/soul conditions required to appreciate music and to living Christ-like. But, I fear if Christians were graded for our performance in music appreciation class - we'd flunk. We're doing little to inspire appreciation and respect for our beliefs.

For this reason, I rarely offer up that I'm a Christian. This series is my actual "coming out party". For over two years, I have written to you without expressing my beliefs. Not because I'm ashamed or feel the topic is taboo; I don't openly share because of the damage we Christians have caused to our collective reputation.

Christians often carry deep prejudices. Steve Stroope, pastor of Lake Pointe Church in Rockwall, TX recently said, "We should be known for what we're for; not for what we're against." If our world, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our family are to appreciate Christianity - I think we're going to have to shift the paradigm and leave the judging to God. It's past time to let the world see that we're known for love, not condemnation.

Christians often fail to listen with their heart. Rather than allowing a lost or hurting soul the opportunity to be heard - we want to jump in and do all the talking. Why, as a group of people, are we so determined to have the first and last word? Not everything needs to be said in every encounter. In Colossians, Paul said, "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as with salt". Chili powder is not mentioned in the recipe.  

Christians often believe they are superior. Don't believe me? Let some tattooed girl with ratty jeans come sit down next to you, and let's see how you react. True story: I was flying home from a business conference. The last night of the event, one of the manufacturers hosted a Harley party and we were each given these very cool - very real-looking - tattoos. I had mine put on my left biceps so I could surprise Steve coming off the plane. Walking up the aisle (looking a bit disheveled and weary from my hard week of work), I reached my row to find a very sweet-looking woman sitting in the middle seat. But she glared at me with disdain and contempt. I was really taken aback as I thought "What in the world did I do to this chick?" I spoke; she pretended not to hear me. After the flight took off, I reached in my briefcase for my Bible and Beth Moore study book. She literally turned sideways in her seat and her mouth flew open like a bass catching flies. "What?" I thought. Within seconds, Ms. Prickly Pious became my new best friend. It took a few minutes for it to register but then it came to me: this good Christian woman wanted nothing to do with a tattooed girl in jeans until she realized I was "one of her own". Open your soul; real tattoo or fake - we're not that different and we're all the same in His eyes.

I call those of you who are my Christian sisters to arms this week. Let's save the reputation of Christians so that people of no faith and other faiths can appreciate and respect who we are and the truths we believe. Let's be known for what we're for; not for what we're against.

Looking for volunteers,

Ellen

Posted by Ellen on September 25, 2007 10:34 AM  |  Category: The Piano Lesson