This is why
I will never be a contestant on the television game show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" I'm an idiot by today's
academic measure; kids, these days, are incredibly intelligent. And, as I watch
my granddaughter grow, I realize they are often very wise.
Many of you
have followed my blog or read my book and might remember the series, What Does It Look Like that I wrote for Ava
just after her birth; if you haven't read it, this series is about all the
important things I want to teach Ava and model for her. But the tables have
already turned; Ava, now 2 ½ years old, is teaching her Sugar a thing or two - like how to bask in happiness.
Observing
Ava as she plays, I realize that we lose something as we grow and mature. We
lose the ability to look at life with childlike wonder, to be open to new
concepts, welcome new friends, and live in the moment. As grownups, we burden
ourselves (and usually others) with negative thoughts, selfish actions, and
vanity.
Because
some of you, my Girlfriends, do not have the opportunity to be influenced by a
wee one, I thought I would share with you the Five Secrets to Happiness that I am learning from the master. Yes,
she's only two; but God love her - she's given me a brand-new perspective on:
The importance of self-control,
The benefits of a limited
vocabulary,
The release from a good
belly-laugh,
The self-confidence that
results from taking risks, and
The freedom that comes from
being absolutely oblivious.
If, like
me, you could use a happiness mentor, I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to share
mine with you - if you can look past the fact that she's only 34" tall.
Remembering
what I forgot,
Ellen
P.S. If you
answered Germany,
congratulations, you're as smart as a 5th grader (and way smarter
than me).
Being a two-year old is not all fun and games. Every minute of every
day, someone else is bossing you. Adults refer to the age as the "Terrible
Twos"; I sometimes wonder what two-year-olds call it.
Ava is not big on direction. She rarely complies with her mother's insistence
to eat meat; she has very definite opinions about her footwear (yes, she has my
shoe gene); and, the child is typically moving in the opposite direction we desire her to go. Last Saturday, after a full
day of constant instruction, her parents were on her last nerve when they met
us for dinner.
One thing (sitting too long) led to another (running out of craisins)
and Ava had all should could stand. Placing one crossed arm on the table, she laid
her head on her forearm, and SMACKED the table with her free hand as she.. . growled.
No actual words were spoken but her level of frustration was made perfectly
clear.
Recognizing what was coming next, Shauna leaned in and softly whispered,
"Ava Lynn, get control of yourself." At this, Ava raised her head and gave her
mother "a look" about the time our waiter delivered a beautiful golden grilled
cheese to the table. Evening saved! But between the mother-daughter exchange and
the slight delay of Super-Waiter's arrival, I had the opportunity to consider
the impact self-control has on our personal happiness (not to mention the state
of contentment of those around us).
We deeply desire one thing but our actions, and lack of self-restraint,
are counter to our desired outcome. Example:
My desire: I really want to drop five pounds.
My action: I opt for the Quarter Pounder over the grilled salmon salad.
My outcome: I regret my choice before I wipe the last bit of ketchup
from my mouth. A lack of self-control just affected my state of
well-being.
My desire: I need to improve the balance in my savings account.
My action: I opt for these awesome
shoes that requires me to over-exercise my American Express.
My outcome: I'm remorseful for my purchase - I know that a lack of
self-control just affected my state of financial peace (and will probably
affect Steve's peace, too, when I get home).
My desire: I long for deep, loving friendships.
My action: I go "snippy" in an email, I gossip to a girlfriend, I push
my opinions or direction on others.
My outcome:I damage our
relationship. My lack of self-control just did me in.
I learned from Ava, at the dinner table that evening, that to have the
desires of our heart requires sitting up, sucking it up, and putting on our big
girl attitude. My mini-mentor taught me, as hard as it sometimes is, the secret
to happiness begins with self-control.
Listening for the whisper, "Margaret Ellen, get control of yourself",
