Dear Girlfriends,

This is the last in our series on cutting the clutter. I hope, like me, you've thought about the physical and mental things that create undue stress: the stuff in your house that keeps you from relaxing; the stuff in your schedule that's often not even your stuff but causes you to run late and procrastinate; and the stuff in your eye that creates an unnecessary need to compete. Today, let's examine the stuff that clutters our spirit: that one nasty voice.

I read an interesting editorial in the Dallas Morning News a few months ago and was so inspired by the woman's courage that I had to write her. She was exploring a controversial subject, as well as addressing the negative - no, NASTY - email she had received from a reader. She went on to share, exposing her vulnerability, how this really affected her.

Is it not amazing that we hold so tightly to that one voice - somewhere from our distant past or maybe an opinion expressed just yesterday? Regardless of the number of accolades and positive reinforcement from others, that one statement, sometimes made in passing and sometimes not even meant to be hurtful, shapes our perception of our self or our performance.

For this reason, I don't believe employee annual reviews are helpful. Many times, I have carefully considered the 10 objectives for the employee review and marked "Excellent!" on seven of the objectives, "Very Good" on two, and "Needs Improvement" on the one remaining. What do you think the employee heard during the review? Yep. Only the one thing that needs improvement. All of the "atta boys" and "atta girls" went right out the window, right along with their self-confidence.

I dropped an email to the DMN columnist after reading her article, sharing with her my respect for her thinking, her courage, and her authenticity. She replied to me how wonderful it was to get "love" mail rather than hate mail. I wondered to myself, "How many love mails does it take to negate that one nasty-gram?" From my experience with employee reviews, I know it's greater than 9 to 1.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Girlfriends, we have to be determined to get the "stuff" out of our ears. Focus on those who appreciate you and respect your efforts. Don't let that one voice undermine who you're supposed to be or what you're destined to accomplish.

Stocking up on Q-tips,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on April 10, 2007 12:21 PM  |  Category: Cutting the Clutter

Dear Girlfriends,

Could the people you watch and measure yourself against be a source of clutter in your life? I think we have too much "stuff" in our eyes.

When you watched the actors on the Golden Globes-- what did you see? A woman with a fabulous frame in a gorgeous dress? Did you feel a bit frumpy lying on the sofa in your faded nightgown and old fuzzy house slippers? Know what I saw? I saw women who looked HUNGRY. Get those girls some mashed potatoes--they're wasting away!

When you drive through beautiful neighborhoods with perfectly manicured lawns and houses bigger than the Mall of America--what do you see? The end-all, be-all for having "arrived"? I see homes with baggage--too much upkeep and too many darn rooms to keep straight!

When you watch the other 10-year-old kids running out on the soccer field while your son sits on the bench--what do you see? Potential stars with college scholarships? Are you convinced that your son's future earning power has been quashed before he hits fifth grade? I see a child whose substance and patience are being formed while sitting on the bench, allowing him to grow into a man of character, not a self-absorbed, "all about me" adult.

When you watch a female co-worker make her way up the corporate ladder-- what do you see? A woman who seems to get all the breaks? I see a woman who has vision, determination, discipline, and diplomacy to hold her own in the corporate arena.

My point is this: The "stuff" in your eye and how you perceive life on a day-by-day basis has everything to do with what you compete for. Not if you compete; most people compete on some level for something every day--a tennis match, a 10k run, or to be the first in their company to hit their sales quota. The type of competition I'm referring to is the one that creates clutter in our lives. It's the competition to be on par with others in order to fulfill one's self-worth.

And the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. Mark 4:19

What are you competing for? And when you win--what will be your reward? There's no earthly tiara or trophy at the end of the game. We all get the same prize: a shiny pine box with handles.

Cut the clutter. Life's too short.
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on April 3, 2007 12:18 PM  |  Category: Cutting the Clutter

Dear Girlfriends,

Are you habitually late? Not just occasionally running behind schedule; I mean if you arrive at your girlfriend's party on time she asks you your mother's maiden name because she's sure aliens have kidnapped you and taken over your identity. If this is you, then there is clutter in your schedule.

Or maybe you daily ask yourself, "Why can't I get more done?" I don't mean an occasional one-too-few things scratched from the "to-do" list. I mean you're the last person anyone ever calls to help get a project accomplished. Is this you? If so, then you're the poster child for procrastination.

Girlfriends, running late and procrastinating messes with your mental freedom. You may not know it but it's likely a major contributing factor to the stress you feel each day.

Here's what I have learned about both: if you choose your priorities purposefully, you will be doing only stuff that matters to you. If you're doing only stuff that matters - you will be on time and you will get the things accomplished that you have deemed important. All the other stuff will just fall away. And it all starts with your personal daily list of priorities.

On Monday, list those things that are important to do this week; then, put them in priority order. The first thing on your list of priorities will be to arrive at your destinations this week five minutes early. Why? Because this is a priority. Arriving on time is a direct reflection of your respect for the person or people you have committed to meet. In addition, you will have on your list several activities that must be accomplished. If you have seven items on your list to do this week, do three of them by 5:00 p.m., Tuesday. Absolutely no excuses. Then, take the remaining four on Wednesday morning and reprioritize or add new action items to your list; do three of these by 5:00, on Wednesday. Keep a running list, but refresh it every two days because we all know how priorities can change. Just make sure that you keep a list so you can visually see that things are moving off, not just piling on! You're going to feel so accomplished and so in control.

You know, it's usually not the doing that overwhelms us as much as thinking about the doing.

Making my list and checking it twice,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 27, 2007 12:13 PM  |  Category: Cutting the Clutter

Dear Girlfriends,

Are you sometimes just so overwhelmed with family, life, home, and work that you feel like you're drowning in "stuff"? I once felt that way, too. My list of responsibilities - both at home and away from home - were all-consuming. I realized I wasn't picking my priorities - they were picking me!

One of the first places my obligations began to burden me was in our home. All this was very strange to me at the time, because we lived in a lovely abode. But that lovely abode was burdened with lots of stuff.

Steve and I determined that the obligations that came along with a nice home and a large lot in the suburbs (in Texas, both homes and parcels of land are sometimes ridiculously large) were creating a mental and physical burden for us. We decided less was more at our life stage and sold our home - furnished. Yes, someone loved our stuff so much that they bought our house intact. It was pretty scary leaving all our furniture behind, but it was totally liberating!

Today, we live in a modern-style home where simplistic design rules. Yes, less is so much more.

We have fewer plants to water; less special occasion decorations to put up, take down, and store; and no knick-knacks to dust. The result is a fuss-less, worry-free environment that allows me to breathe at home. Because there's less competing for my time and attention, I can finally do the one thing I had never really been able to do at home: sit. Because I'm no longer accumulating and arranging, I can do what you're supposed to do at home: relax.

Is it possible that your physical and mental "stuff" is the source of your energy drain? If so, it might be time for you to discover that less is more and how you, too, can identify those things that clutter your world.

Totally liberated,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 20, 2007 12:10 PM  |  Category: Cutting the Clutter