Dear Girlfriends,

I wish I could tell you that I immediately recognized the blessing of my diagnosis. But I didn’t. My thick blonde shoulder-length hair was disappearing before my eyes. As my dear friend and stylist shaved my head, she cried as I read scripture. Eventually I would lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. In those days of transfiguration, the blessing was nowhere to be found.

I wish I could tell you that I instinctively chose to boldly and courageously live with cancer, but that’s not true either. The reality is I spent a lot of time crying and, of course, praying. Not in my bed or on my knees but prostrate on the floor; not a position of humility but in a position of absolute anguish. My tumble into darkness had begun.

Previously diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety and OCD, adding cancer to the mix provided the perfect recipe for disaster. That is – if I had been allowed to remain in my deeply depressed state. My family could deal with my physical illness but they couldn’t cope with my emotional shut down. Their unspoken message was clear: ‘You can be sick, but you can’t be depressed.’

So again, I called upon the only power strong enough to get me through this trial. He showed up – and He came baring gifts.

The first gift I received was a peace that “surpasses all understanding” as it is described in the Bible. Only God could provide someone like me, who has fought depression for more than 20 years, with peace at a time like this.

The next gift I received was a pair of glasses through which I could see directly into people’s hearts. I thought x-ray vision was reserved for super heroes, but that’s not true. God gives them to bald women.

With my new spectacles, I saw into the hearts of family, friends (both close and casual friends), and business acquaintances as they surprised me on a regular basis with their overwhelmingly thoughtful gestures. Their hearts were generous beyond belief.

I met strangers who, after learning my name, would tell me how they were praying for me because I was somehow connected to their church, school, or Bible study group through a mutual friend. Their hearts were concerned for the well-being of a total stranger.

Perhaps most revealing was the heart I now saw in my sister-in-law, who, after being raised in a Christian home, had converted to atheism. I was in total shock as I opened up her letter to find Mother Teresa’s mass card and a swatch of the saint’s garment, enclosed. Ironically, her husband (who also is an atheist) has a sister who is a nun in Ireland. My sister-in-law asked “Sister Connie” and the others nuns in her convent to pray on my behalf.

Sister Connie went one step further. She sent my photograph to the Sisters of Calcutta who placed it on Mother Teresa’s tomb and prayed for me every day. My sister-in-law demonstrated a heart for me that transcended her belief system.

Watching the nightly news had jaded my view of humanity. But with my new x-ray vision glasses, I now see the beauty in people’s hearts and it has changed my perspective on life – there are more good people than bad. The bad people just get more press time.

Looking at the world through my new “sunnies,”
One of Ellen’s many girlfriend