Last week,
Steve and I were trying hard to bring some "normal" back to our lives. He had
surprised me with dinner reservations to celebrate the 20th
anniversary of our first date. It had been a rough week (and it was only
Wednesday). In the midst of our drama with Scott, Steve's dad - Al - took a
sudden turn for the worse as the terminal cancer he has been fighting reared
its ugly head, letting us know that the end was near. But before our entrees
arrived, our week got a bit harder. Steve's cell phone rang and we learned that
someone else who meant the world to us was gone: Harvey died.
Harvey was Steve's second cousin who was -
and I'm not exaggerating - perhaps the finest man that walked the face of the
earth. I could tell you about his phenomenal business success, about the
beautiful daughters he raised, or about his exceptional marriage of 43 yearsto Carole (my other earthly idol). I could write to
you about Harvey's
passion for anything and everything and how he clung to life because he knew, better
than anyone I know, how to live every moment with true enthusiasm.
But the
legacy that Harvey left me - and probably every
other person he met - was the understanding that to Harvey, I was important. Harvey was gifted at making everyone in his presence
feel significant.
Harvey never wasted an opportunity to make
his engagement with others an event. Because he lived in San
Diego, Steve had been in Harvey's
presence less than a dozen times. But Steve said he could remember every one of
those times like it was yesterday.
Regardless
of one's age, station in life, or past, Harvey
engaged with us as if we were royalty. Harvey
could do this with ease because he lived in a state of significance, himself.
Understanding that he played a critical role in every interaction he had with
every human being in his path, he managed to elevate the confidence of those
around him. Harvey
knew when we met 20 years ago that he was important to making this new future
bride with her two kids in tow feel welcomed and important, not just to the
family circle - but to him. After meeting Harvey,
I knew I belonged.
Had Harvey operated in a
state of anonymity he could not have possibly made me feel so highly valued. His
positive energy begat positive energy. If he had believed he was
inconsequential, I'm sure that negative energy would have been contagious, too.
As I write
you this morning, I watch my father-in-law sleep. He has stopped eating all
together except when a nurse's aide named Chonqualia sits at his side. Her
confidence and warmth and her million dollar smile indicate to me that she,
too, lives in a state of significance as she coaxes Al to take "just a bite".
I've known Qualia for only a few days, but I can tell you this: Al knows he's
important when he's in her presence.
So, if you
will, in tribute to Harvey, Chonqualia, and to those who might have made you feel important sometime in your life,
I hope you will join me this week to choose to operate in a state of
significance. If not for yourself - do it for all those you leave in your wake.
Significant
because Harvey
made it so,
Ellen
Posted by Ellen on July 23, 2009 4:40 PM
| Category: A State of Mind
How I can only imagine the Harvey you speak of and have known so very few in my life...but the precious few like Harvey, I do remember them well. This posting meant so much to me as my significance seems so small right now. I know times are tough for everyone, but right now seems more "challenging" than usual. Okay, I am down on my luck...so to speak and looking for the Harvey to appear in my life or should I say...needing the Harvey to appear and make me feel young, alive and smart. I feel busted. But, know with all my heart that God has a purpose for all of this and a path for me. I know this isn't really about me...it is about HIM. But, I do have to pay the bills and smile and love my grandchildren like there is no tomorrow.
I am starting over in life at the age of 55 and have been in a tough, rapid fire and exciting environment for so long....Marketing! Friends are few and acquaintances are many. Now...Searching for significance in all the right places...and reasons.
Thank God for the Harveys in our lives and their beautiful essence....hopefully we will catch a breeze of their joy. Here's to Harvey and the people he blessed with his positive energy!
If we could each take a moment to be like Harvey to just one person the world would be a changed place. Imagine, once the ball started rolling, how transforming these kindnesses and interest in others would change the person bestowing as well as the person receiving.
Thank you, Ellen, for another mind boggling concept!
You are so right about Chonqualia! I have worked with her at the nursing home for the past 4 years and she is one of the most caring and compassionate people that I know. It is so nice for her to be recognized! Thank you!
Ellen:
Thank you as always, reminding us of what is really important in life...treasuring the "Harvey's" in our lives. In my case, it was "Ilene, my dear friend that passed on June 11th after four long years of fighting for her life. She was the symbol of courage.
I used to call her "Miss I" for "Ilene" but I told her as I sat by her bed those last few days, it stands for "Incredible." And she was.
Prayers for a peaceful transition for Steve's father, surrounded by the people he loves.
Let's never forget, everyday is a gift.
Tricia
