"When you find peace within yourself, you become the
kind of person who can
live at peace with others." -
Peace Pilgrim
As I
considered writing this series and the various states in which we choose to
operate, one question continued to resurface: How does our operating in a
particular frame of mind affect our sense of inner peace? And, if operating in
a negative state proves to be a detriment to our own emotional well-being, why
do we continue go there?
Any thought
process we allow ourselves to engage in has the opportunity to either feed us
or deplete us. I know of few states of operation that are more harmful to
ourselves and others than that of operating in the state of rejection.
From the get-go
- I was not exactly accepted. My bold, goal-oriented, opinionated,
overly-confident, type-A personality was not exactly a welcomed addition to the
family. For a few years, as a very young bride, I worked hard to be who I was
expected to be - but the harder I tried, the more miserably I failed. After a
while, I finally just stopped trying altogether. And I purposefully chose to
live in the state of rejection, too.
But two
wrongs don't make a right; living in a state of rejection does not make for a harmonious
family unit; and operating in anything less than a state of acceptance certainly
does nothing for living a life of personal peace, contentment, and joy. It
takes a lot of negative, nasty energy to reject someone.
I was
having lunch with a new acquaintance last week when she told me about her
husband; theirs is a mixed-race union. Always intrigued by family dynamics, I
asked Tricia how each of their families accepted the other. My energetic, lovely
50-something friend threw her head back and laughed - telling me this story:
"I stood
behind George as he knocked on the back door of Aunt Lucy Mae's house.
She answered
and threw her arms around George's neck, welcoming him home.
I slipped in
behind him. Releasing her embrace from George, Aunt Lucy Mae
put her hands
on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye as she exclaimed,
'And Honey, I'm going to love you because I have to!'
It doesn't
matter that our personalities perfectly complement. It doesn't matter if our
views or values always align. What matters is it that we open our hearts and
arms in the state of acceptance - sometimes just because we have to.
Some of
you, my girlfriends, are young brides learning your way around a new family;
and some of you, my girlfriends, are now in-laws sharing your son or daughter
or brother or sister with another. So I think Aunt Lucy Mae's lesson is good
for us all. When it comes to building and retaining family and finding our own
inner peace - living in a state of acceptance versus the state of rejection,
changes the game. For everyone.
Loving Aunt
Lucy Mae,
Ellen
Posted by Ellen on May 28, 2009 11:24 AM
| Category: A State of Mind
I can hear Aunt Lucy Mae - with a Southern accent.
It wouldn't hurt any of us to adopt a bit of Southern Hospitality and graciousness in dealings with family or strangers. A little "come, sit, have a glass of iced tea...let's talk" attitude would certainly make life more pleasant and people feel genuinely "seen."
Perhaps this was a "fake it until you feel it" or maybe those old fashioned Southerners had a grasp on what made folks tick. Their natural sweetness - combined with the sweet tea - made a person feel accepted.
