Swine flu.
Road rage. Falling markets. Rising prices. Bailouts. Job elimination. Kids in
trouble. Marriage failing. Cancer.
Get in the
same room with three of your girlfriends and have them line item their personal
list of fears and disappointments and I bet you'd all be tempted to crawl under
the table. The point is: bad stuff happens. Life is increasingly difficult and
these days, for many of us, it feels like it is spinning out of control. Out of
our control.
And because
we feel vulnerable to the world, our employers, and even those we love the most
- our families, we sometimes begin to operate in a state of panic; or a state
of fear, jealousy, greed, or rage. In a nutshell: we've lost perspective. And, because
our state of mind is focused on the negative, we've lost the concept of hope.
But we can
get it back.
Over the
next few months I'd like to open a dialogue with you regarding the state in
which we choose to operate, what's behind our negativity, and how a shift in
our thinking can bring us clarity, peace, and confidence.
Miracles do
happen. Fortunes can be remade. Love does come again. Children do return.
Hearts are mended. Purpose is realized. And joy awaits us all when we choose to operate in a new state of
mind.
Being
mindful of my state,
Ellen
Posted by Ellen on May 4, 2009 2:23 PM
| Category: A State of Mind
I love the tale of Chicken
Little. The story goes that one day there was this Chick walking around in the
woods when an acorn popped her one the head. It scared her so bad and she shook
so hard, that half her feathers fell out. The Chick (now looking pretty darn
scary, I guess) further wigged out and started crying, "Help! Help! The sky is
falling. I have to go tell the king!" But on the way she spread the awful story
of impending doom by telling her girlfriend Ducky Lucky; and then she carried
on to Goosey Loosey; and, of course, Turkey Lurkey had to hear the bad news,
too. Chicken Little's fear, based on her
limited knowledge and experience, spread negativity and panic through her
network like a bad rash.
I have a C.L. in my life,
and you probably do, too. Like Chicken Little, my C.L. also chooses to operate
in a state of fear. Without fail, at lunch or dinner, the storm clouds gather
as she breathlessly broadcasts the demise of our country, the unraveling of our
social fabric, and the end of our economy. She casts such a foreboding shadow
over the conversation that by the time dessert is served - everyone around the
table is ready to slit their wrists. Not because she's an expert in politics or
finance or societal issues -but because she's an expert in being a Chicken Little!
Fear is contagious. Once a
C.L. starts talking trash, just watch - all the rest of us will fall in line.
Steve and I recently spread the contagion to each other. We had become so
convinced that our condo building wasn't going to close, we worked ourselves
into a tizzy. And like Chicken Little, we stressed. While we didn't lose our
feathers, we did lose sleep . . . and peace.
Our C.L. episode came to an
end one morning when, independently, we came to the conclusion that our negative
thinking was choking out hope. Hope for this great home that we had planned for
and saved for and...waited almost two years for. We realized that we had chosen
to operate in a state of fear, based on nothing more than rumor and our vivid
imaginations.
The uncertain outcome for
our condo cottage-in-the-sky had dragged on for months, so you can only imagine
our amazement when two days later - the deal and the closing date were
confirmed. (We closed this morning.)
Wasted energy. Operating in
a state of fantasy-based fear is just useless. Yes, bad things can happen, but
our fear (whether real or imagined) won't fix it. It can, however, choke all
thoughts of a bright future from our heart and mind. But maybe worse than that,
the resulting negativity steals precious conversations and exchanges of hope
with others.
So, I've decided to shift
my thinking. By operating in a state of confidence, I now consciously hold onto
words like "promise," because my life story, while not always rosy, could have
been a lot worse. And I wait expectantly on the future - knowing that good
things happen every day and good things will
continue to happen for our country, our economy, my family, and ...me.
You are as young as your faith, as
old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as
young as your hope, as old as your despair. - Anonymous
Have you fallen into the rathole
of Chicken Little thinking? Choose today to operate in a state of confidence
for your future and share that state
with others by gently deflecting the negative chatter. The sky ain't fallin'.
Ducky Lucky,
Ellen
Posted by Ellen on May 12, 2009 4:01 PM
| Category: A State of Mind
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the
kind of person who can
live at peace with others." -
Peace Pilgrim
As I
considered writing this series and the various states in which we choose to
operate, one question continued to resurface: How does our operating in a
particular frame of mind affect our sense of inner peace? And, if operating in
a negative state proves to be a detriment to our own emotional well-being, why
do we continue go there?
Any thought
process we allow ourselves to engage in has the opportunity to either feed us
or deplete us. I know of few states of operation that are more harmful to
ourselves and others than that of operating in the state of rejection.
From the get-go
- I was not exactly accepted. My bold, goal-oriented, opinionated,
overly-confident, type-A personality was not exactly a welcomed addition to the
family. For a few years, as a very young bride, I worked hard to be who I was
expected to be - but the harder I tried, the more miserably I failed. After a
while, I finally just stopped trying altogether. And I purposefully chose to
live in the state of rejection, too.
But two
wrongs don't make a right; living in a state of rejection does not make for a harmonious
family unit; and operating in anything less than a state of acceptance certainly
does nothing for living a life of personal peace, contentment, and joy. It
takes a lot of negative, nasty energy to reject someone.
I was
having lunch with a new acquaintance last week when she told me about her
husband; theirs is a mixed-race union. Always intrigued by family dynamics, I
asked Tricia how each of their families accepted the other. My energetic, lovely
50-something friend threw her head back and laughed - telling me this story:
"I stood
behind George as he knocked on the back door of Aunt Lucy Mae's house.
She answered
and threw her arms around George's neck, welcoming him home.
I slipped in
behind him. Releasing her embrace from George, Aunt Lucy Mae
put her hands
on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye as she exclaimed,
'And Honey, I'm going to love you because I have to!'
It doesn't
matter that our personalities perfectly complement. It doesn't matter if our
views or values always align. What matters is it that we open our hearts and
arms in the state of acceptance - sometimes just because we have to.
Some of
you, my girlfriends, are young brides learning your way around a new family;
and some of you, my girlfriends, are now in-laws sharing your son or daughter
or brother or sister with another. So I think Aunt Lucy Mae's lesson is good
for us all. When it comes to building and retaining family and finding our own
inner peace - living in a state of acceptance versus the state of rejection,
changes the game. For everyone.
Loving Aunt
Lucy Mae,
Ellen
Posted by Ellen on May 28, 2009 11:24 AM
| Category: A State of Mind
