I look forward to
being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue
and what you are is the point. - Susan Sarandon
For over 25
years, my grandmother and eight other silver-haired women gathered at one
another's homes every other Saturday night for an evening of Forty-Two. For
those who are unfamiliar, Forty-Two is a domino game played much like a card
game that includes winning bids and tricks. Only an occasional ice storm, every
three to five years, would deter the gathering of the Forty-Two Club. Or death.
From my
youth through my teenage years, I was called upon every ninth week to help
Mammaw in the serving of finger sandwiches, Fritos and onion dip, Creek Water ice
tea, and her homemade lemon ice box pie. This role provided me the opportunity to
hone my hostess skills, but more importantly, it allowed me to observe what it
takes to build lasting friendships.
Mammaw and
the gals demonstrated that in order for the game of friendship to work, you had
to be willing to play both sides of the table or the friendship would become
superficial and lack the depth required to persevere. Mammaw and her
girlfriends showed me that to have a network that works, you must be willing to
invest a generous portion of give and take.
Every two
months, until I left home, I heard the side-splitting laughter as one of the
gals told a joke. Even if it wasn't funny or if they heard it two weeks before,
they roared with laughter. I saw the twinkle in their eyes as they ribbed a
partner when someone made a bad play, but I don't remember ever hearing anything
that resembled sarcasm or ridicule.
I remember
hearing them celebrate for one another, and their families, at a simple life
win. Not a self-centered one in the bunch, these nine women expressed great
interest in the lives of others.
And you
know, for nine women to meet together 26 times a year for 25 years, all of them
going through menopause, there must have been a whole lot of forgiving and
forgetting.
I watched
them age - the salt and pepper turning all salt; the buttermilk skin slowly becoming
etched with beautiful laugh lines. But it didn't matter to the Forty-Two Club. What
they looked like was never the issue, because who they were was the point.
Over the
years, canes and walkers became their companions to the event. As I grew older,
I saw them comfort one another as they attended funerals together; first
husbands, then - one by one - the members of the Forty-Two Club themselves. They
are all gone now, but their legacy lives on.
My
girlfriends and I don't play Forty-Two (although if one if them has her way,
we're going to have game night!) and
if we're gray - you'll never know it. As long as Avalon Salon is open, most of
us will die blonde. But we will be women of purpose and character; we will be
women who laugh, celebrate, banter, and mourn with one another. And like the
Forty-Two Club, we will forgive and move on. And we will age. Together.
And that's
what I want Ava to see: a network of girlfriends - that works.
What a blessing to see your mom get together for many years with her friends. And you have learned so much on how to value friendships. I only wish I could have that in my life. Most of my friends are very busy and tired. Life seems to get in the way or it is not a priority for them. I hear women talk a lot about how lonely they are but it appears that friendships take a back seat. Any ideas from women out there would be great on how to make and motivate current friends to get together.
Thank you for such a beautiful story on a great morning like this one. Seems like our "new" forty two game comes out of emails where we sort of form "the club" and when we loose one it is truly the heart that hurts and while we can stay in touch, we are in touch from the heart. It's an odd game we work in our heads, but we do the best we can due to jobs and "being busy". One is rarely too busy to not stay heart-connected, laughter connected with girl-friends. It is what gets us through the day. Hopefully if we ever see retirement, we can laugh and maybe cruise together, and play a game of the real forty two... with finger sandwiches, "the tea" and even the pie. Thanks.
Ellen, I still remember all the wonderful things you always told me about your Mammaw and how much you loved and respected her. She was really more like a mother to you wasn't she? I enjoyed reading this artical so much. Love Ya Ina
PS I am still waiting for a copy of your shaul pattern.
