|
|
Family Traditions
Dear
Girlfriends,
I knew I belonged to
the public and to the world not because I was talented or even beautiful, but
because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else. - Marilyn Monroe
Belonging.
Some of us read that word and feel connected and safe. We know we are a member
of a tribe - either family or community (for some folks, their friends are their family), and our participation
in traditions comes naturally. But for others of us, the word "belonging" conjures
up nothing but aloneness and vulnerability, resulting in a state of desire to break
the cycle in order to establish family traditions for our future generations.
I'll be the
first to admit that when it came to developing family traditions, I wasn't the
most creative cat in the barn. What few traditions we established when the kids
were young mostly centered around food: tamales and chili on Christmas Eve
(after church), Saturday morning McMillers (our much-improved family version of
the Egg McMuffin), sausage balls on Thanksgiving morning (Shauna has picked up
this torch, and carries it nicely), and herb-crusted beef tenderloin on
Christmas Day (you can count on it). But as I think about our family traditions
and about creating a haven for Ava where she knows she belongs - I know in my
heart that food alone will not sustain her.
My Jewish
friends have modeled this for me, through the celebration of the Bar Mitzvah
and Bat Mitzvah; their experience has enlightened me to the fact that many of
us fail to use traditions as an important teaching tool in communicating our
family's social values, a sense of family identity, a historical understanding
of our family heritage, and our spiritual significance.
My friends
Gary and Linda invited Steve and me to attend their son Alex's Bar Mitzvah a
few years ago. We were in total awe at the poise and grace this gangly 13-year-old
demonstrated as he led his congregation through the service, speaking and
singing in Hebrew. I didn't
understand a word of what he said, but I sure understood the significance at
the end: Alex knew he belonged to something much greater than just Alex. Oh, to
teach that critical lesson to all our children!
I visited
with a friend of mine a few weeks ago on the topic of his sons' Bar Mitzvahs to
better understand the meaning, commitment, investment, and preparation required
behind this religious, cultural, and family tradition. Stephen said, "At the
core, we want our children to understand what it means to be Jewish and to
recognize their responsibilities to the faith, their rich history, and the
culture." As he shared the story of his younger son's struggle during his
study, his eyes welled with tears of pride when he said, "But his presentation
and d'rash were perfect. It made me almost want to have another kid". Now,
that's a powerful experience when your 13-year-old son makes you so proud, you
want to start over!
Which led
me to ask myself, what family traditions do we have that challenge our children
to think, to learn, to lead, and to reflect? What are the experiences we share
with them to explore our family heritage and the connection to our belief
system? As a society, we must do better.
We're not
Jewish, but I want Ava to have that same sense of confidence and security in
her faith, her family, and her culture. In addition to sharing vacations as an
extended family and eating an occasional McMiller, I have invested the time and
mental energy to create other family traditions that I hope will help her
better understand who we are, where we came from, what we believe in, and why. All with the hope that one day she
will know that she is connected to something much greater than just herself.
So what do
I want Ava to see? That without a doubt, she belongs to our tribe.
Planning some
cool traditions,
Ellen
a.k.a. Sugar
Posted by Ellen on August 6, 2008 3:56 PM
| Category: What Does It Look Like?
|
|
|
