Dear Girlfriends,

Intelligent, articulate, discerning, thoughtful, loving, and more fun than a barrel of monkeys are the words that describe my best friend, Paula. Focused and ambitious are two other words you could use to describe this beautiful woman and, like many of us, her quest for professional success created a distraction as she arrived at a crucial junction in her marriage.

Nine years into their marriage, Paula was at the pinnacle of her career and to boot, she was handsomely rewarded for her contributions to her organization. But thanks to a boss whose management style was - well, let's say unpredictable, Paula had developed a love-hate relationship with her job. Relishing the sound of her high heels clicking across the manufacturing floor and the pride that accompanied building an efficient, productive team, Paula precariously balanced the enjoyment of her work with popping Tums as the president entered her office doorway.

In the meantime, traveling around the world and dealing with the pressure that accompanied his own fast-paced sales world, her husband was also investing his energies and attention in his career; he was no more physically or emotionally available to Paula than was she to him.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months as the two slowly drifted apart, rarely engaging in meaningful conversation. While her husband turned to co-workers to unwind after an intense day, Paula turned to evenings out with her girlfriends as a form of stress management. Traveling in the same direction, but in different cars, they found themselves at an interesting intersection one Friday evening when Paula stated unapologetically and unemotionally, "I'm not happy."

As her husband passionately probed, Paula's tears finally fell as she expressed her frustration and stress with her work. Although knowing intellectually "it wasn't personal", her weariness from managing the intensity of an unreasonable boss had finally taken its toll. Interestingly to Paula, the work - not the crisis in her marriage - brought her to tears. The two now had a decision to make as they sat at the crossroads of making money or making a life.

Within 24 hours, Paula made the decision to put her professional calling on hold and went about building their life with the same gusto she had invested in building a successful career. She shifted her focus to the nuances of creating a nurturing, fun home life, while learning to be emotionally supportive to her husband as he built his career. He returned the favor several years later, taking early retirement while Paula went about building a new, rewarding professional life.

Paula shared with me, "Looking back, we only knew how to make money; we had absolutely no concept of what it took to build a life or to connect in a meaningful way with our family. But because we chose life, I became a more balanced person richly blessed by these 'prizes' - husband, family and friends, in my life."

If making money is contributing to the diminishing return on the quality of your life, maybe it's time to consider the road less taken. Choosing the greater mission - to make a life - takes sacrifice, conviction, and commitment, and as Paula and her husband approach their silver anniversary this fall, they know they chose the right road for them.

Counting her amongst my prizes,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on April 2, 2008 9:52 AM  |  Category: Crossroads