Dear Girlfriends,

Remember my girlfriend Connie, who sat at the intersection of Resentment and Forgiveness? Well, during our lunchtime conversation several weeks back, in addition to the story about forgiving her mom, Connie shared with me about the season in her life when she sat paralyzed at the intersection of Insecurity and Confidence. I am so happy I can share with you another profound lesson from this very wise woman.

A mother of four, Connie stayed home with their children while her husband built a successful career. Socializing and networking were critical to his advancement, but the circles in which her husband worked included people who were both incredibly creative and highly educated. Connie felt like an outcast to these interesting characters. Her perception was that because she stayed home with the kiddos, she added little to no value to the conversations. Over time, her confidence plummeted; her sense of self-worth cratered.

Having dropped out of college to have children, Connie's insecurity ultimately led to jealousy and her jealousy led to accusations. The accusations led to an ongoing argument that poisoned the atmosphere of their home and the future of their marriage.

For nearly 20 years, Connie came to this same intersection, always turning onto Insecurity rather than taking a proactive approach to address her issues. But it all changed when she elected to take a part-time job at a community college. Working in the counselors' office exposed Connie to coursework and degree plans, and this new information inspired Connie to return to the classroom. Over a period of ten years, taking one course at a time, Connie earned her Bachelor's degree...and her voice. Her maturity and life experience made her the teacher's pet and, along with her good grades, gave her a newfound confidence that she did have something important to share with the rest of the world. And, her education afforded her the opportunity to make an impact for humanity.

On a roll, Connie went on to complete her Master's degree. Attending classes on Saturdays and grinding through evening courses, Connie was an example of grit and determination as she studied side-by-side with her teenage children. Connie's self-assurance fueled her and re-ignited her marriage; she and her husband will celebrate their 50^th wedding anniversary this June (oh, they are the cutest couple you've ever seen!).
 

Are you sick of driving around and around Insecurity Circle? Perhaps it's time to change that one thing that keeps you from being the person you were destined to be. Perhaps it's time to let go of self-doubt for the pride in accomplishment. Perhaps it's time to boost the low self-esteem that not only threatens the quality of your life, but the quality of life of those you love.

Confidently yours,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on April 30, 2008 9:02 PM  |  Category: Crossroads

This is a timely post for me. I am a SAHM to five kids that range in age from 16 to 3. I had been out of school for 14 years when I decided to head back to school. I have felt the insecurity and did not enjoy it. I am taking a full course load and will conitue until I have my law degree and have passed the bar exam. I may be in my sixties before it happens but I will not stop til I have it.

Posted by Reasa | April 30, 2008 9:43 PM

I love getting these – thanks Ellen! You have always been an inspiration.

Although I’m sure there were other road signs as well, “Intersection of Insecurity & Confidence” is a good way to describe the point when I left [that last company] after 11 years of seeming success.

Now in a brand new industry, creating a brand new product, while going to school and trying to be a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. Each day has moments where I still feel like that intersection is not yet in the year-view mirror. But like you said, I can see what will be… and the person I will become as the result of this major shift.

June is a big month! On June 5, I get to celebrate still being alive after 40 years on this great earth – how lucky I am indeed. On June 12 it will be my 9th wedding anniversary and I’ll officially complete my MBA on that day – also a decade long journey! June will also bring the official release of the [new thing] I've been working on.

Anyway, despite the myriad of emotions including insecurity and confidence, the one unchanged feeling is one of gratitude. The mantra I live by is “this too shall pass.” I am so aware that applies to every moment, both good and bad. And I am truly grateful for every single one of those moments. Life is good. Thanks again!

Posted by Charlene DeCesare | May 1, 2008 5:54 AM

Ellen, you did not use the time-worn phrase "pull yourself up by your bootstraps." Yet, that is exactly what each of us must do if we hope to make progress - however haltingly. It is like doing sit ups, painful at first then strengthening to the core. Feelings of empowerment come in tiny, almost imperceptible, steps. It is the looking back at the strides over time that give us confidence.

Posted by Leslie | May 1, 2008 6:59 AM

Excellent article and I'm printing this out to give to an older man who has let his insecurity, self-doubt and low self-esteem almost destroy him!

Well written and worded in a way that all can understand!

Thanks!

Posted by Cheri Anderson | May 1, 2008 8:33 AM

YeaRah for Connie
And Bless you both for sharing the story -
hugs, Petey

Posted by petey parker | May 2, 2008 7:02 AM