Dear Girlfriends,

"When the oxygen masks drop from the overhead compartment, pull firmly and securely place the mask over your nose and mouth, first, then assist children and those around you." Do you think this is a self-centered act? No, of course not. We all know that in a case of airline emergency, we must ensure we're receiving oxygen for ourselves in order to care for those who depend on us. So why don't we apply this same thinking when it comes to our health and fitness?

We're only ten weeks into the new year, and I'll bet you a dollar to a salmon sushi roll that you've already given up on your "healthier you" resolution. I have a proven theory (or at least I've proved it with myself) that we're not burned out with sweating; the driving force behind our burnout with our workout and healthy eating habits is time. We don't have time to go to a gym. We don't have time to invest in learning more about health or fitness. And we don't have time to make stir-fry tofu (even if we like it). And this issue with time causes us to sacrifice our selves, leaving our body bored.

If you're suffering from workout burnout, I'd like to share with you seven quick tips to get you back on track - because you, my girlfriends, are important. And important people must stay fit in order to care for all the people who depend on them.

Tip Number One:

If you can't work a 30-minute walk into your day, walk 10 minutes, three times a day. This slight change could help you get back on track, and soon you'll feel so good you'll be making time for that 30-minute walk.

2. Load new tunes on your iPod or Nano every four to six weeks because boredom can set in quickly. What's new on my iPod this month? Shelby Lynne. Her music is snappy and fun - Restless, 10 Rocks, and Don't Mind If I Do are a few of my favorites. 

3. Once you get the walking down, alternate a slow one-minute jog with a brisk one-minute walk. Before you know it, you'll be ready for the Boston Marathon. (Well, maybe not - but you'll feel better.)

4. Alternate your walking days with weight-lifting days. This is the very best fitness advice I can give you - it's good for burning fat and fighting osteoporosis. Purchase leg weights and do a few exercises with the weights strapped to your ankles. You won't believe the results! Also, buy small dumb bells; I started with 2 lbs. and then graduated slowly to heavier ones. I lift 9 lb. dumb bells (mine are PINK) for 15 minutes, twice a week. See my video at www.ellenmmiller.com to see the results. Pretty good biceps for a grandma, eh?

 5. If you don't like walking, dance. Turn the music up loud, be a Disco Dolly, and dance for 15 minutes straight. The results: a heart that is pumping and a happier disposition. No way can you dance for 15 minutes and not walk away absolutely giddy. Do you have a daughter? Ask her to join you - it will be good for both your health and your relationship.

 6. Don't diet. Everyone wants to attribute women's fussy attitudes to hormones but I disagree. I think women are out of sorts because they suffer from low blood sugar! Is the whole world on a diet? There are two books on my website about "diets" that I recommend: Why French Women Don't Get Fat, by Mireille Guiliano; follow her advice and you'll never have a weight problem - and Eat for Your Type. The philosophy shared in this book is very interesting - it explains why different people burn different foods in different ways. It works like a charm and you get to eat.

 7. When you're tempted not to work out or eat right, watch a documentary on the Special Olympics. Ladies, you are in possession of precious gifts: a healthy heart, strong lungs, and two good legs. Be a faithful steward of the body you have been blessed with and take care of it.

 Women tend to the needs of their families and professions, ignoring their own well-being and fitness. If you really love your family and your profession - demonstrate it by investing in yourself, first. You'll be much better prepared for when those oxygen masks fall. - Ellen Miller

Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 5, 2008 12:13 PM  |  Category: One Breath Away From Burnout

Dear Girlfriends,

Sitting at the intersection, I was as lost as a goose in a new world. For the life of me, I couldn't get my bearings. I was so turned around I couldn't tell if I was heading north or south, and the rain only compounded my confusion. I had flown into San Jose early that morning and after a full day of client meetings, it was time to head to the hotel. But somewhere along the way I got lost. And to make matters worse-I was starving (low blood sugar significantly heightens my level of frustration).

As I sat at the light, I knew that to continue on my current path was a mistake; I also knew that the direction I had come from would not lead me to a plate of fried rice and a cozy bed. But which way to turn? I had neither enough information, nor experience in this part of town, to make a good decision, so I did what any intelligent human being (at least female) would do - I stopped at the convenience store and asked for directions from the man behind the counter. Ahmed became my navigational confidant.

Regardless of age or life stage, we all come to a crossroad from time to time - in our marriage; with our work; in our personal development. So where is "Ahmed" when we're dazed and confused, not knowing which way to turn? 

Surrounded by women who are rich in character, spunky in spirit, and successful not only in their careers but in living meaningful lives, I invited some of them to share with us their experiences while sitting at intersections that would change their lives forever.

If you're sitting at a crossroad today, I hope their stories will inspire you. Unlike my friend Ahmed in San Jose, they can't tell you which way to go, but I hope they will give you confidence as you turn on your blinker.
 

Better for the journey,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 11, 2008 2:21 PM  |  Category: Crossroads

Dear Girlfriends,

My friend Connie is what I want to look like and act like when I'm 70 years old. Energy and enthusiasm follow her like an orb as she sprints her daily three-mile walk around our neighborhood. One word sums her up: light. She's pure light.

So, intrigued by this beautiful woman - chronologically old enough to be my mom but young enough in spirit to be my baby sister, I invited Connie to lunch. I wanted to know about the important decisions she had made in her life and how they had shaped her. I knew there was much to learn from this feisty character.

Connie said, "One of the biggest choices I had to make throughout my life was whether to extend forgiveness or to hold on to resentment. I took the wrong road. I chose to harbor my hurt."

Connie was birthed to a 17-year-old mom and an absentee father. Connie's mother, being both a glamorous and fun-loving woman, lacked the emotional maturity to be the "Mom" that Connie longed for. For 12 years, while her mom dated, Connie's grandmother, who lived with them, provided for her care and direction. But at last her mother did settle down with a fabulous father figure for Connie, and she looked to establish the mother-daughter bond that Connie had longed for, for so many years. But it was too late.

In those short but formative 12 years, Connie had learned to revel in resentment toward her mother and quickly realized, as her mother tried harder and harder to reach her, that she (Connie) had something to hold over her, and Connie found that she enjoyed the power. Connie said, "I fed my hurt."

Connie would find herself at this same intersection over and over, as her mom sought to soothe the pain she had caused for her then-young daughter. But Connie continued to turn onto the road of resentment instead of forgiveness. Connie's own kids were amazed that their mom - so giving and so forgiving of others - held onto bitterness with both hands when it came to their grandmother. 

As Alzheimer's besieged her once-healthy mom, Connie's heart began to soften. Her mom - still recognizing Connie - was comforted by her only child as her care-giver. But still, the important words had not been said. Finally, Connie found herself sitting at the corner of resentment and forgiveness for the last time.

At her mother's death bed, where she lay in a deep comatose state, Connie sent her family from her mother's room. She laid her head upon her mother's pillow and whispered softly in her mother's ear, "Will you forgive me?" Against all odds, Connie's mom, never opening her eyes, squeezed her daughter's hand.

Isn't it interesting that for 65 years, Connie's mom sought her forgiveness but in the end it was Connie who asked for hers? Connie realized that she had sacrificed years of incredible joys and celebrations in order to harbor her hurt, feed her pain, and try to right a wrong from so long ago.

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
- Harriett Beecher Stowe

Connie mourned her mother's death but her tears were not bitter - she had made her peace with her mom, and herself. But as this wise and precious woman sat across from me at our table in the restaurant, her tears flowed with regret for the years wasted.

Are there words for you to say? Is their forgiveness for you to extend. . . or now, to request?

Girlfriends, turn on your blinker. Stop feeding your pain and extend grace. Don't waste the last precious years you have with someone by clutching your hurt like it's a priceless treasure. For the treasure you lose is the all that you might have enjoyed together.

Turning onto forgiveness,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 18, 2008 2:13 PM  |  Category: Crossroads