Disappoint Someone
Dear
Girlfriends,
Do you
serve others - either organizations or people - from your heart or your head?
If you're
serving from your heart, you know it. Your investment of time and talent
doesn't drain you - it acts like rocket fuel; you soar with a "done-good"
feeling. For you gals who've figured this out, you can close this email. However,
if you're one of my girlfriends who feels obligated, burned out, or frustrated by
your selfless service, you might want to read on.
Self-sacrifice
is not always a noble thing. Service rendered out of a sense of expectation or
obligation rather than an expression of gratitude, talent, or love is rarely pleasing
to either the soul of the recipient or the do-gooder and has a counter-effect
on our spirit. I recognized this in myself as I drove reluctantly to meetings
or events, dreading the next two hours of selflessness.
For this
reason, I believe it is important that we ensure that every good deed, every
favor, and every act of service be done from the heart - not the head. This
means of course that from time to time, in order to live intentionally, you
will disappoint someone.
I have
experience here.
I have
found that high-achievers not only expect a lot of themselves, but that others
often have unreasonable expectations of them, too. Moral indignation flashes
across the face (or worse, spews from the mouth) of the disappointed individual
because I did not . . . . (fill in the blank) the way the wounded party thought
I would, I should, or I could. How selfish of me! Well, yes. That's the point.
In our
world where others are constantly clamoring for us to give more, do more, invest
more, and allow more, there is little time for us, as individuals, to be more. To get ahead financially, we
all know that we must pay ourselves first (in the form of savings). But few of
us acknowledge that to achieve a well-balanced life, we must make the
commitment to pay ourselves first in the form of time and to be extremely conscious of those we invest time with and
for.
Several years
ago, a "girlfriend" shared with me that in addition to her COO position for a
major corporation, she served as a board-member for the city symphony, was the
local chairwoman for fund raising for not one, but two, of the largest
non-profits in the country, and due to her and her husband's position in the
community, was required to attend social, civic, or political functions nearly
every night of the week. She wrote: "I'm exhausted. I'm miserable. I'm worn
out."
Her glamorous,
selfless life of service had resulted in burnout - not just toward the
organizations she served, but toward life itself. My girlfriend realized she was
not living intentionally because she didn't want to disappoint.
I am a huge
proponent of service - community, school, or church - and feel that as a
collective society we could do a lot more than we do. But I don't think service
should be left to just a few. And this is where high-achieving women often
struggle to maintain balance. Because they
can do it (and others haven't or won't), they feel obligated to jump in and
get the job done. But service through obligation rarely fulfills and usually drains.
"To
refuse a request for just cause is as praiseworthy as to grant a request that
is worthy. It is for this reason that the 'no' of some people pleases more than
the 'yes' of others. A refusal accompanied by sweet words and a civil manner
gives more satisfaction to a true heart than a favor given with bad grace." - Marquise Magdeleine de Sablé
Are you
extending a favor or service with bad grace because you feel obligated?
Endeavor to serve those projects that are true to your heart's calling and say
no to the rest. Yes, you will disappoint someone, but the service you do render
will be a blessing - for both you and that special person on the receiving end.
Now, that's living intentionally.
Feeling
blessed (even as I tick someone off),
Ellen
Posted by Ellen on January 16, 2008 3:42 PM
| Category: Living Intentionally
|
