Dear Girlfriends,

Most motivational speakers, self-help gurus, and professional mentors will tell you that to live a successful life, you must be aggressive and "get out front". I think this is flawed thinking. If you really want to live a life of difference, get behind someone who knows the track.

Several months ago, Steve and I took up bicycling. Most weekends we log between 30 and 50 miles on the trails around Dallas atop our sleek silver street bikes (complete with riding gear - it's so about the "outfit"). Sometimes my confidence kicks in and I take the lead, but most of the time, I hang back. I've found there are some significant benefits to staying behind.

More knowledgeable about the sport and more familiar with the course, Steve serves as my guide. Often I hang back several feet, watching him zig and zag - alerted in advance that the path is about to become more difficult to navigate or that a gaggle of marathoners have congregated. He provides a "heads up" when the path becomes tricky and it's time to put on the brakes. Do you allow someone to help you navigate the potholes? Or are you facing a wipeout? Girlfriends - ask for direction or get behind someone who has successfully dealt with life's blows; they make great trail guides.

I haven't quite accomplished this but there's a practice in racing, and common amongst cyclists, known as drafting. This is where you follow only inches behind the lead biker's back tire (yes, this can be disaster with one wrong move by either of you - which of course, is a Truth Nugget topic for another time). When you're drafting, the lead biker faces the resistance, allowing you to keep up while exerting only a fraction of the energy. It's like being a slacker. When the winds are blowing hard in life, many high achievers try to face it alone. How often do you let someone block the headwind for you? Girlfriends, allow someone the privilege of helping you face your adversity - you'll both be better for the experience.

When Steve's out front he's usually "cookin'" - thus, I have to pedal like there's no tomorrow just to keep up. His pace makes me a better athlete (although I'm not so sure his Speedy Gonzales impersonation is doing much for our marriage). He sets goals for us. He encourages me to make it to the next mile marker. So, who is your personal life-trainer? Who's kicking your butt to make you a better, stronger, wiser, more balanced person? Girlfriends, get behind someone who can inspire and motivate you. If you get too comfortable with this scenic ride of life, you're going to miss out on the adventure.

Self-reliance is important but to live intentionally, we need to surround ourselves with quality people: people who are wise because of experience gained; honorable people who are strong in character and who can provide us a buffer zone when we're tired; and people who can be objective enough with us to say - "get your fanny in gear". Even as grownups, we're still only as good as the company we keep.

He who walks with wise men shall be wise. Proverbs 13:20

But just a quick note of caution to you: while you're biking behind those who are motivating you, don't forget that someone may be on your back wheel, too. We're in this race together.

Shifting gears,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on November 7, 2007 9:05 AM  |  Category: Living Intentionally

Dear Girlfriends,

It all happened in slow motion. I could feel myself falling but for the life of me, I couldn't catch myself. I was going down and I was going down hard. Lying on the ground I was bewildered, frustrated - and embarrassed. And I was mad at the world.

No, I didn't trip. This was a full-fledged, self-induced fall. I fell off my bicycle while learning how to "clip-in".

To take my bicycling to the next level, Steve introduced me to the concept of clipping-in. In order to optimize the strength and power of the quadriceps and glutes, many bikers buy a unique type of shoe that actually attaches to specially designed pedals. The problem is - it's not natural! It's tricky to get started and almost impossible to stop - without the help of asphalt. So, there I was - starting, stopping, and falling.

Clipping-in, like living intentionally, is not for sissies, those afraid of failure, or those who are willing to pass on the fabulous adventures that come with optimizing life. Counter-intuitive to conventional wisdom that says  "play it safe" and you'll live happily ever after, I believe that to live intentionally we need to go out on a limb.

Our society has us all paralyzed with fear that we're going to get hurt - or worse, fail and then be embarrassed. Well, sometimes we might. But to truly experience life, rather than just tick down the days until we die, we have to be willing to fail; to fall; and to succeed. To live intentionally means we take risks while walking in faith, allowing life's surprises to mold us into interesting people, rather than bitter, boring ones. I'm not saying you should be reckless - I'd hate to hear that some of you went out Saturday night and got a Harley tattoo. But I am saying that many of us miss out on rich experiences because we're not willing to explore new things.

So what new experiences might make life a little more flavorful this month?

Go to a play.
Travel someplace new.
Research a new line of work or industry.
Take dancing lessons.
Try yoga.
Go on a mission or humanitarian trip.
Take golf lessons.
Join a choir.
Go to the symphony.
Take an art class.
Try tennis.
Go back to college (or go for the first time).
Join a book club.
Take up bicycling.

Try just one new thing. You don't have to adopt it as a lifestyle. To live intentionally, you only have to adopt the philosophy of experimenting with the understanding that it's okay to fall.

Without risk, faith is impossible. Soren Kierkegaard

Girlfriends, I don't know about you but I don't want to be 93 and gray, telling a sad story about falling on the way to the bathroom. I want a tale of adventure, and I want it now....complete with the success. Yes, my failures (and bruises) were all worth it; clipping-in has taken my cycling to a whole new level. And my falls made the success all the sweeter.

Optimizing my quads (and life),
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on November 30, 2007 2:08 PM  |  Category: Living Intentionally