Dear Girlfriends,

Are you habitually late? Not just occasionally running behind schedule; I mean if you arrive at your girlfriend's party on time she asks you your mother's maiden name because she's sure aliens have kidnapped you and taken over your identity. If this is you, then there is clutter in your schedule.

Or maybe you daily ask yourself, "Why can't I get more done?" I don't mean an occasional one-too-few things scratched from the "to-do" list. I mean you're the last person anyone ever calls to help get a project accomplished. Is this you? If so, then you're the poster child for procrastination.

Girlfriends, running late and procrastinating messes with your mental freedom. You may not know it but it's likely a major contributing factor to the stress you feel each day.

Here's what I have learned about both: if you choose your priorities purposefully, you will be doing only stuff that matters to you. If you're doing only stuff that matters - you will be on time and you will get the things accomplished that you have deemed important. All the other stuff will just fall away. And it all starts with your personal daily list of priorities.

On Monday, list those things that are important to do this week; then, put them in priority order. The first thing on your list of priorities will be to arrive at your destinations this week five minutes early. Why? Because this is a priority. Arriving on time is a direct reflection of your respect for the person or people you have committed to meet. In addition, you will have on your list several activities that must be accomplished. If you have seven items on your list to do this week, do three of them by 5:00 p.m., Tuesday. Absolutely no excuses. Then, take the remaining four on Wednesday morning and reprioritize or add new action items to your list; do three of these by 5:00, on Wednesday. Keep a running list, but refresh it every two days because we all know how priorities can change. Just make sure that you keep a list so you can visually see that things are moving off, not just piling on! You're going to feel so accomplished and so in control.

You know, it's usually not the doing that overwhelms us as much as thinking about the doing.

Making my list and checking it twice,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 27, 2007 12:13 PM  |  Category: Cutting the Clutter

Dear Girlfriends,

Are you sometimes just so overwhelmed with family, life, home, and work that you feel like you're drowning in "stuff"? I once felt that way, too. My list of responsibilities - both at home and away from home - were all-consuming. I realized I wasn't picking my priorities - they were picking me!

One of the first places my obligations began to burden me was in our home. All this was very strange to me at the time, because we lived in a lovely abode. But that lovely abode was burdened with lots of stuff.

Steve and I determined that the obligations that came along with a nice home and a large lot in the suburbs (in Texas, both homes and parcels of land are sometimes ridiculously large) were creating a mental and physical burden for us. We decided less was more at our life stage and sold our home - furnished. Yes, someone loved our stuff so much that they bought our house intact. It was pretty scary leaving all our furniture behind, but it was totally liberating!

Today, we live in a modern-style home where simplistic design rules. Yes, less is so much more.

We have fewer plants to water; less special occasion decorations to put up, take down, and store; and no knick-knacks to dust. The result is a fuss-less, worry-free environment that allows me to breathe at home. Because there's less competing for my time and attention, I can finally do the one thing I had never really been able to do at home: sit. Because I'm no longer accumulating and arranging, I can do what you're supposed to do at home: relax.

Is it possible that your physical and mental "stuff" is the source of your energy drain? If so, it might be time for you to discover that less is more and how you, too, can identify those things that clutter your world.

Totally liberated,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 20, 2007 12:10 PM  |  Category: Cutting the Clutter

Dear Girlfriends,

"I'd never made as much money before in my life, but I'd never traded more of myself for it." Liz Perle, Money, A Memoir: Women, Emotions and Cash

Girlfriends, I can really relate to this statement. I realized at the height of my career that I had a disconnect. I was a walking, talking contradiction of my values when it came to money. I wanted more time with my family; I needed less stress for my health; I desired a more fulfilling career; but I wrestled for months with the idea that I made too much money to quit. Finally, my value system prevailed.

We believe in our values, but they're often not supported by the way we handle our money. Women who wouldn't dream of stealing a pencil at the office will sneak $20s from their husbands' wallets or will "disguise" new purchases in the closet. H-E-L-L-O?? Does this seem healthy to anyone out there?

We work in jobs we hate to buy stuff that fills us emotionally for only days (and sometimes hours). We purchase things to fill that hole in our soul only to be awakened at 4:00 a.m. ridden with guilt about our extravagance. Something's gotta give. At some point we must all make an honest assessment and compare what we really value with how we really live.

He who loves money will not be satisfied with money,
nor he who loves abundance with its income.
This too is vanity.
Ecclesiastes 5:10

Step two in securing your freedom to choose: walk your talk.

Easier said than done,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 13, 2007 12:00 PM  |  Category: Work/Life Balance and the Debit Card

Dear Girlfriends,

Most women are surprised to learn that even though I run my own businesses, I haven't paid a bill in over nine years. This situation leaves me in a precarious position. If something happened to Steve - my CFO for all three companies and the Miller household - not only would I be devastated personally, I would be paralyzed financially. So feeling this vulnerability recently, we scheduled a family meeting for a little tutorial.

I admit I was totally lost when he opened Quicken TM. But after a few minutes, I was pretty confident that I could do this, again. Of course, managing the finances and dealing with payroll for the companies is a bit more complex, but at least I know I could cobble things together in case of an emergency. Could you? Or, could he?

In many families, one spouse or the other takes care of managing the family budget. But it is the one who has forfeited this task that suffers greatly in a crisis. Talk about compounding a problem! If something happened to one of you - don't you agree that managing the budget and locating your investments should be the LAST thing that surfaces as a worry or a challenge?

I'm not a detail person. To me, balancing the checkbook and paying bills is like watching paint dry. I don't plan on taking over this duty (much to Steve's relief), but I'm comforted to know I can if I ever have to.

Could you use a refresher course? What about your mom or dad? Could they benefit from a quick walk through of their investments, statements, and commitments?

Step five in securing your freedom to choose: Liberate yourself from ever saying, "I don't know how. He took care of the money."

Re-learning the basics,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on March 6, 2007 11:55 AM  |  Category: Work/Life Balance and the Debit Card