Dear Girlfriends,

I am a person of joy. Some people might even describe me as somewhat obnoxious in my state of contentment. But, I love having my joy and it's very hard to contain! Many women think that I have this abundance of energy and contentment because I live a perfect life. HA! No, my life is no more perfect than yours! But here's my secret: in the less than perfect conditions in which I live I have reconsidered what is important. I have reassigned my treasure.

But this tip comes with a warning label. It's not easy for anyone - and has been the toughest of all assignments for me.

Our family is far from ideal. Many people are very surprised to learn that in addition to our awesome daughter and son-in-law, Shauna and Adam, our son, Scott, is a non-functioning drug addict.

As a matter of fact, he's missing. Again. We've not heard from Scott in over two years. Could it possibly be worse? Yes. His drug of choice is methamphetamine. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe what a mother goes through when she knows her baby (yep, he's still my baby at 25 years old) is in a desperate situation, most likely sleeping on the streets (again), and can't find his way. I know that my once precious little redhead who loved being snuggled is standing in the threshold of death.

What mother among us envisions dealing with missing persons and calling the morgue on a monthly basis? I know I didn't. You see--we did everything "right". We went to church on Sunday; had dinner at the table as a family every night; we went to soccer games, band competitions and had fun-filled family vacations. This couldn't possibly be happening to us! Really girlfriend, sometimes I feel like I'm playing the part in a bad made-for-TV movie. The phone rings - regardless of the time of day--I anticipate that it's him. I literally hold my breath hoping that my one-time saxophone-playing, loveable, huggable, kid will say, "Hey, Mom! What's up?"

I share my story with you because like many mothers, my treasure was my children. I drew my creativity and my self-worth from my children's well-being. My dream of raising healthy, happy children was my energy source. But I learned through this journey that this is wrong; I can't commit my sanity, or insanity, to them. My joy must come from a higher place and for me that is knowing that God's agenda is greater than my own. Thus, I reassigned Him to be my treasure. I realized I must be joyful and strong regardless of this heartbreaking demise. Though darkness has taken my son--I absolutely refuse to relinquish my joy to it.

So, what is your treasure? Your job? Your home? Your mate? The quest for money or more stuff? Your children's success? Your position in your community? Be careful; it may make finding your joy an impossible task.

Living in joy,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on December 12, 2006 1:28 PM  |  Category: Finding Your Joy