Dear Girlfriends,

Girlfriends, we're grown up now and we need to get over trying to please others. If you're over the age of 35, you probably know by now that you're never going to please everyone and on some days - you'll please no one. The harder you work at it the more impossible it is to gain or to maintain their favor. Seeking the approval of others is a sure-fire (for my out-of-state friends, that's a Texas term for GURANTEED) way of losing your joy.

I'm not sure if approval seeking is a result of our upbringing; I guess if we were little girls whose self-esteem got a boost when mom and dad were well-pleased, we are probably more likely to need approval from others, today. I think my need for approval is genetic. I was born this way and came out of the womb hoping to dazzle the doctor! Either way, seeking the approval of others doesn't cohabitate with joy.

For many years, I confused approval with respect. But of course, they are different. I learned, much too late, that people can respect you without always agreeing with your position or your actions. Have you confused approval with respect?

While some women are concerned about what others think, many of us are our own worse enemy. We don't approve of who we are. Of course, there are always things we need to work on - that's OK - we are, all, a work in progress. If you have issues that you know need to be addressed and you don't feel you can give yourself the big Five-Star Approval Rating - give yourself at least four stars; for Heaven's sake, recognizing a problem is half the battle!

What is important here is that we be our best for ourselves. No one else. If you're trying to please your lover, your mother, your boss, or your kids - you can forget about it. You won't find joy in that pursuit. Joy is a state of contentment that cannot be affected by outside forces.

Say out loud with me: Someone will not like something I say or do, today.
How do you feel? Not so good?
Say it again but this time add: Someone will not like something I say or do, today but that's OK - GOD AND I ARE WELL-PLEASED.

Better?

Your joy will return to you when you decide that others' approval is not important to who you know you are.

Finding my path,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on November 28, 2006 1:19 PM  |  Category: Finding Your Joy

Dear Girlfriends -

Do you have peace? Are you happy? What about joy - do you live in a state of pure joy? Not sure about the difference between the three? I like to define them this way:

Peace is a state of serenity.
But your peace can be interrupted when the telephone rings and it's your dead-beat brother-in-law looking for money again!
Happiness is an emotion when in a state of well-being.
But emotions are fickle and can change with the weather or a ten-second hormonal surge!
Joy is a state of contentment.
And it cannot be affected by outside forces.

Why, might you ask, is finding your joy so important? Great question! As per the Ellen-Webster book of definitions (see above) your peace and happiness are often interrupted or affected by others; joy is the one thing that you, and you alone, can control. No one can mess with your joy unless you let them.

Over the next several pages, I will share with you five very practical and personal steps that I used to find my joy. You will be able to take these and customize them for yourself to ensure you relocate your joy and never misplace it again.

I believe if Stella can get her groove back - we can all get our joy back, too!

Joyfully,
Ellen

Posted by Ellen on November 21, 2006 11:17 AM  |  Category: Finding Your Joy